Why You Aren't Happy

WARNING: This is a longer post but contains some of the most important information for you to change your body and life!

I know, I know, you might be thinking... What does this title have to do with health and fitness Ashley? Aren't you supposed to be posting pictures of abs and food? Both very valid questions, but I think quite differently then other people when it comes to being healthy and fit.

Health and fitness start with your mind. If you don't take care of your mental state and thoughts, well... everything else doesn't really matter then.

Lets say you finally achieve the body you want but in your mind you still don't view yourself as fit, beautiful, or deserving. You ultimately won't get the outcome you were working hard for which was to feel happy about your body and be confident with yourself. Why do you want to loose weight in the first place? Look a certain way? Be a certain way? Start eating better? Dress better? Shower or put on make up everyday? The answer is that you think these things are going to make you happy.

At the core of everything we do is a desire to be happy.

We think a certain outcome, certain thing, certain goal is going to make us happy which is why we decide we want it in the first place. Most of the time this desire is leading us unconsciously!

This is why you don't take risks or go talk to that oddly mysterious but droolingly attractive man at the coffee shop you see every Saturday morning. Why you don't try new things at the gym or go somewhere new that kind of scares you. You are afraid of "failure." You are afraid of the outcome being unpleasant, leaving you feeling down about yourself and unhappy.

Fear is good in certain contexts when it comes to not jumping off a cliff or running from a vicious animal in the woods that is about to use you as its dinner. By all means listen to that fear. Don't let it control everyday decisions that could actually improve your life and add more spunk and adventure to your average monotonous every day. We need to decipher which fears we are holding onto are irrational so we can become the best version of ourselves and start achieving everything we want. Including that bod.

"Failure" is not a bad thing. Ever.

Just to set the record straight. Failure means you tried. It means you put yourself out there, you took a risk, you did something new or out of the norm. Failure is never a bad thing. You should try to make smart educated risks that you know deep down you should go after, because that feeling that you have is not random or a coincidence.

"Failing" is 100 times better than never trying. What if you you go after something you want and make a fool of yourself? So what... Everybody else besides you is going to forget about what happened very shortly after because they are more concerned with themselves than what you just did. Honestly most of the time the thing you are fearing never actually ends up happening anyway!

What if you go after that something and get it though? If you had never took that leap of faith you would of never ended up getting it!

I get asked this way to much...

Friends, family, strangers, and clients ask me this and similar questions way to often. All valid and I love being asked questions because there is no such thing as a "dumb" question in my mind. But they are concerned with the wrong questions...

A close friend just temporarily moved for his job to a different state and didn't have a gym membership out there. He was uncertain about what he should do. So he asked me whether he should not get a new membership and focus on using the hotel gym and slimming down or get a new membership and continue weight training.

Now this friend is in shape and has made tremendous progress in the past few years. My answer for him was simple. What are your goals? What are you hoping to achieve? The answer to those questions will give you the answer. Well he still couldn't decide.

So my next piece of advice, which will likely help you in some area as well, was to do one and then if after a week or two if he didn't like what was happening with his body, switch.

Another friend was recently telling me about how she's been debating going vegan for awhile. I thought it was great! She just hadn't been able to get herself to start yet because she was a little apprehensive. I gave her the same advice. Try it out and if you decide it's just not for you, go back to the old way of eating!

It is that simple guys! Too many people are afraid to make a decision. It is good to put thought behind your decisions but don't paralyze yourself! If you make a decision and don't like the outcome you got from it... Switch! You always always always have the freedom to change your mind, even after you've made a decision! Just make a new one!

So what should you do from here?

If you are paralyzed by fear but want to achieve a certain outcome or goals and feel stuck, you need to do one thing before anything will change! Associate enough pain and discomfort to the old habit or thing you no longer desire. Once you've done that, associate a large amount of happiness and fulfillment that will come from your desired habit or goal!

Habits start in our brain and with our thoughts so it is our job to rewire our old patterns and create the ones we really want!

The reason why I am so passionate about neuroscience and your mental state is because it is so crucial and the key to happiness. I believe that people deserve to be happy and when they feel good about themselves and love themselves everything changes.

Their life changes, their perspective changes, their thoughts change... and when this happens their whole world changes. They start to believe in themselves and open the door to new possibilities and opportunities.

I train and coach people to help people change their life not just their body. Because it is so much more than that and that's why I don't just specialize in fitness because I specialize in making people's lives better and happier.

I believe everyone deserves that.

As always, much love.

Eat To Fuel. Train To Feel Good.

Ashley Paradise